To fall in love, is as normal. There is no big-deal about it!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email“Holy shit! He’s a Muslim”, or, “He wears a turban for God’s sake”, or may be, “she is not fair enough”, or,” I don’t even think she’s a virgin”, or the worst of all, “he’s a scheduled-caste, come on, we don’t even eat in the same vessels.”

So the enchanting wedding-season is on, with our middle-class parents spending almost half of their life-savings over their children’s “dreamy-marriages”; we see concerns on apparels, venues, M.B.A. degrees, dowry-amounts, fairness of the bride and groom, and most importantly, the stereo-typically-defined “Sanskars” that the families-in-deal carry. Who cares about the “not so welcomed concept of LOVE and shit?” Don’t you think, this idea of falling for somebody crazily has got confined to college-campuses, and ends-up in the girl/guy marrying an “ideal-counterpart” as-per their families’ choices, scared of certain social-pressures that they find themselves vulnerable to, or sometimes because they want money, and security too quickly?

Trust me, the constant illogical and illiterate ideologies of BJP or the ‘Sangha’ are not to be blamed here, nor is the section of “Muslim-love-jihadis” responsible; it’s the mindset that each one of us, inherently carries. Article 377, homophobia, rights of a transgender or a sex-worker are still bigger-issues, far beyond our understanding capacities, as we are still here struggling with our RIGHT TO FALL IN LOVE AS AN ADULT. They call us the largest-democracy, but we haven’t even figured-out how to deal with such petty matters rationally. We’d choose crushing our dreams and desires, but dare not risk the vague-illusionary reputation that our so called legacy has created in our respective “muhallas”. Is your upbringing so feeble and fragile that you’re scared of one marriage of love that you think will shatter the principles of your faith? I am a firm follower and believer of Jainism, and I am adamant about never letting go of the ethics that define my spiritual being, and well, so is the guy I’m in love with. At the end of the day, the bond that we created never took as any far from our different religious-ideologies, but as a matter of fact, opened us to each other’s ways of harmonious-living.

“Oh! He may be a good-human being, or an extraordinarily talented artist, we don’t give a shit as long as he is not categorized in our “clan and caste” by birth. We’d rather get you married to a richer and “khandani” fellow, who might not have a big-heart, but will surely have a surname that counts wonders to our society.” And dare you define a society within your general capacities, they delineate this term, including only their families, friends and well-wishers, with caged-minds, and big-mouths.

Making a choice is a big-deal in our country even after years of independence. And trust me, the reason for this typically conservative and stubborn approach is, that we let go and settle for less, like it was never our right to love and admire another being in a romantic manner. Well, I choose to disagree, because I’m not up for marrying as a robot and then reproducing and dying in turn, waiting to gradually fall in love, to show how much I regard and respect the dignity of my family and religion. I’d rather work, succeed, have a respectful name, be a woman of substance and prove myself as virtuous in a much better way.

So we know the hurdles, now let’s talk about the solutions.

I came across too many examples this year, where my seniors and cousins agreed to an arranged-marriage because what they wanted money, family-security and social-approval, more than the romance and promises that kept their pre-marital relationships going. I don’t blame them; they probably deserved the “regular” and will always get the regular, I don’t even find their cases worth a mention. If at all, the bond that you have created, is making you selfish, is hampering your professional and individual-grooming, or is not felicitating the desires and passions that help you live-on to the fullest, get the fuck out of it, asap. Well, I don’t ask you to madly fall in love, compromising with your careers and family-responsibilities. But I suggest you to never let go of true-love after you get hold of it. If it makes you a better person, liberates your spirits and helps you achieve your goals, keeps your inner-self rooted and at peace, stick to it, fight, and rebel and work it out patiently. You don’t get to find a harbour and make a home very often. If you are in love, wait, don’t let go, make it happen..because you’re not doing a “punishable-offence”, but something as normal as.. Falling in love.

Be the change..


About Suvi Jain

-Suvi Jain is a third year law student at Aligarh Muslim University

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